The Pitter-Patter of Learning

“The sound.” Everyone has one, a noise that absolutely grates on them and grinds their gears. There’s the classic “fingernails scratching across the chalkboard,” the chink of someone biting their fork whilst eating, or even just the thought of chewing on tinfoil (mentally masticate on that, just awful). Any one of these makes you grit your teeth, but since I’ve started going to class again (surprised? hopefully it will last longer than you think…), I’ve found a new one. It is the reason I started watching lecture capture in the first place actually, but I have been re-reminded of it in 2011. Four or five times each lecture, the professor will say something VERY IMPORTANT. It may be prefaced by the words: “If I were you, I would know…” or “This here is often tested on the Boards…” or “All second year med students should remember…”

And then it begins.

Fjdlksa;jflkdsa;jfkdlsa;jfkdsa;jfdhgiwauroieauwreqpureihgvn.,zhvjoiurwahgd;sahg;oewiqyuierahd;ahvfznbc.,mzhfd;iahfrioufiewpqygirapiewqpgirqhg;rakdvdlka (wait, what did she say??) svndzkvcxz.vnghja;heiqoturiqptirotupwirutuoir;lkav;dsanvdm,z.v,fdahjrkd;aher;ahgirohgirutireqptyirpqtuirepwytrqptirytriqoptphiah;lkdhkd;lsafkdsa;vfndzv,mcxz.nv (deep breath) c,mz.vncxvnda;fjdka;fdksajfkd;sajfa;fjkewriueqtiueqptywqtye (did you catch that?) wtyrittypoyieprqiepwqytoiewqyteptrewipqiewptrewipytiewqutewtryiewoqupoieqtryoiewqhfid;akdajds;adsag;lahg;dancvzxv.,mcxznvc,.xznvxz.nvbdafhew;hfe;fda;klfeoiwtiytreoiuytoitoeqwpureioqrjieq;riewopqytreiqtyriwtyirewqtuirepwqjfd;sajfkds;afdak;lnvczvnc.ncx,mzbv (oh no!) nvcxzm.nvcx,mdfj (gasp!) d;lkafjk;areioqtuprepwquitrpiqiepowqrueqpryeqwtuperwoieruowqptrueipowtroiewq;dafjdk;slavnc,mxznmnbmzn.

Click, click.  Ramsey Wehbe pictured above, caught in the act.

It’s the cacophony of a hundred people on a hundred laptops with a hundred keys. It’s the low murmur of continual soft clicking, a violent war of attrition against A-Z and their sister punctuations, a smear campaign against the quick brown fox who jumped over the lazy dog, a genocide against QWERTY and his friends. It’s the “test-freakout,” “the holy shit this will be on the exam,” “the possible/probable BOARDS! question,” And if it is not typed absolutely immediately into OneNote, the information will be lost forever. OH NO, I MISED IT! BOARDS?? BOARDS?? DID SOMEONE SAY BOARDS???

Sorry for the melodrama, Kelly, but today it is necessary.

I have written about studying for the Boards in multiple blog posts because it is impossible to chronicle my second year experience without it. The teachers talk about it; we study for it. I have been taking it fairly seriously, but I love being obnoxious about it in class. Reactions are priceless. I just can’t stand the incessant typing though, probably because I’m wallowing in my own inability to pay attention. It’s very hard to sit fifty minutes without checking on the Caps playoff prospects, or check Kendall Marshall’s career stats at UNC (and Facebook, of course). I am amazed that people can pay attention for that long in the seated position, and that’s probably why I’m vexed. Dammit, why do I have the attention span of a 13 year old boy who just bought SI: Swimsuit edition?! I guess I just wasn’t made to sit for hours on end, listening to professors wax philosophical in 1.0x speed. If they could just up the vocal speed to around 1.5-1.7x and eliminate the ten minute breaks, then we could be out of there every morning by ten o’clock! And then I could type on my own laptop in peace.

Every once in a while it's fun to throw out a random little bit of knowledge, just to see the cogs turn.  Lean over to the row in front of you and whisper, "so you know Alport syndrome has a defect in type IV collagen, right?"  Then just sit back and watch.  Watch for the quick Wikipedia look up, the nervous retort, or expectant page turns of an open textbook.  It's all in good fun (although it's probably the reason I have no friends now), and I get pranked in return.

So please, just relax; and go easy on the home keys. They are your friends.  Pound on them too hard and soon you will have a space bar enzyme that no longer creates spaces, leaving you with a build up of constants and vowels in the bloodstream of your notes.  Like Lesch-Nyhan syndrome and the accumulation of uric acid in the absence of HGPRT, your incomprehensible notes may lead to choreoathetosis, self-mutilation, and aggression without this "key" enzyme.  Wait, or is that Adenosine deaminase deficiency?  Or Ehlers-Danlos?  Niemann-Pick.  Shit!  I better look it up...

Fdfajk;auireopwqureiwqpyfidfdja;lkfjdsa;lkfjdlksa;jfdlks;ajfkd;lsajfdhauirepqhydisajncmxz,nvcewureipowqajfkd;laruierewfjdksa;fjkd;lsafjkd;sajfdk;sajflkdsa;uiopuipuiopjkrelw;qrueiwqpourfidsapfydpiusaygudsagypiudsaygudpiagiruepoiafyiepoayfewi.  Click, click.

My own pitter-patter of learning.