The tale goes like this...
Once upon a time, I was seeing a seven-year-old boy (we'll call him "Patrick") in one of the specialty pediatrics clinics. He was adorable. Like any normal boy of this age, Patrick was already bouncing off the walls when I walked in the exam room. I let him wear himself out while I sat and took a history from Mom. Patrick had been complaining of headaches, though he certainly was feeling well at the moment. After finishing up some standard questions regarding his birth and past medical history, Patrick finally decided to insert himself into the conversation.
Mommy, can I play on your phone?
Ahh, times have changed. Kids are now born iPad-in-hand. I am unsure how I was able to entertain myself as a kid.
Mom let Patrick play on her phone while I resumed my questioning. Patrick was successfully entertained for perhaps only a half a minute before returning to the adults. He held the "toy" in his outstretched arm, holding the large smartphone screen just a few inches from my face.
Hey! This is a picture of my Dad's car!
It was indeed. Pops apparently was something of a car connoisseur, and though I didn't recognize the make and model, it looked like a restored antique. I smiled at Patrick and affirmed his statement that it was his Dad's car (such a smart kid!). Patrick looked back at the phone and swiped the screen to the right.
This is my Dad's other car!
Again, a true statement. I smiled and told him that it was a very cool looking car. Before I could return my attention to Mom, Patrick again swiped the screen to the right, paused, and a very confused look spread across his face.
I don't know what this is...
Patrick pushed the phone six inches in front of my eyeballs. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall, watching my own reaction. There are few times in my life when I've been left truly speechless, and this was one of them. I felt my face flush.
I was staring at a picture of (someone who I could only assume was) his mother, waist down, naked, and spread eagle on a couch.
A moment of shock and panic. I do remember taking the phone away from Patrick, clicking the "Home" button, and handing the phone back to Mom. Why don't we let your mother hold onto this for now? That didn't last long. He grabbed it out of his mother's hands, sat down on the floor, and went back to perusing photos.
Right on cue, Dad walked into the exam room.
Also right on cue, Patrick showed me another picture that he wasn't quite sure about...
This time I grabbed the phone (again, quickly pressing the home key), and handed it back to Mom. You should really hold on to this. I made the statement as emphatically as I could. I skipped the rest of my questions and went right in for the physical exam. Anything to keep the little guy occupied.
It was a cursory exam.
After I was done, I went straight to my attending's office to discuss what had gone down (a little advice at this point would be nice). I explained the entire situation, but s/he didn't seem to be too concerned. I was told not to worry about it, and we completed the encounter like nothing happened.
Is this a frequent occurrence or something? Ah, another naked parent. Don't worry about it, Robert. It happens all the time.
Fortunately, in my (very short) career as a budding clinician, this is the only time I have been exposed to nude photos of relatives of my patients, and I hope it is my last. This story should illustrate two important points:
1) Don't take naked pictures of yourself unless you want other people to see them.
2) Parents, password protect your damn phones!!
Thank goodness Patrick wasn't a wee bit older... now only one of us is scarred for life.
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