We sit down together, I tell you the position I'm in,
"Sir, I'm a student working with your doctor today,
And I have a few questions, if that is OK..."
I want to know how you are and what's wrong,
Where does it hurt? Has it been going on long?
I need to know if you have pain or can't breathe,
I promise to report all this to your doc when I leave.
Cuz you see, if I have the facts, I can make up a plan,
Present to my attending, and demonstrate that I can
Master the Art of Medicine, show her I'm tip-top,
Until we return to the room and you do a flip-flop!
If you say it's your chest, but now it's your back,
I didn't consider "triple A," and I'll hear so much flack,
She now thinks I didn't ask the right questions at all,
Because you changed your story while we talked in the hall!
See, if you'd mentioned your piercing and new onset pruritus,
I could've looked smart diagnosing nickel-contact dermatitis,
And you didn't say that you had a pet turtle named 'Bella,'
Suggesting your diarrhea might be from the bug Salmonella,
If you had told me you drink twenty beers in a week,
That your liver's cirrhotic, your breath's started to reek,
Then that would explain why you're sweating and shaking,
DTs are why you're sick and your body is aching!
So please (oh please!) just tell me the truth,
Tell me every pain that you have, from your toes to your tooth,
Tell me your story, and if you've been traveling of late,
Tell me if you have the clap after last Friday's blind date,
I won't tell a soul, 'cept your doc that's the law!
But please don't you stutter, don't you hem and don't haw.
If you don't want to see me, why don't you just say this?
So I don't end up looking like an unskilled ignoramus.
This is what I go through: my struggles and my pain,
"Now, please just remind me, Sir, I've forgotten your name..."
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