Every year around Christmas, I reread my first blog post (A Littmann, A Letter, and Some Courvoisier). It brings back one of the most uplifting moments I've ever experienced. I can retrace each one of my steps that night before opening my letter to medical school: unpacking the car, doing the dishes, cutting open the envelope, and calling my parents. Every time I read it, I can't help but smile by the last paragraph (Yes, I do believe in Santa). Med school was (and still is) a dream come true. The reality has set in by now, but I can still feel the elation that warmed my heart that night in my kitchen in Chapel Hill. I can still feel the weight being lifted off my shoulders. I am so glad I recounted that experience, so I can relive it every year.
So was it worth it? I'd say so. This year brings a unique perspective to my annual reflection, because for the first time I am actually doing what I set out to do. The reason I was so excited to become a doctor was not because of the long hours in the Health Sciences Library or the weekly multiple choice tests. I wanted to be a physician to work with patients, to care for sick people. For the past six months, that's what I've been doing. Yes, I don't have an MD behind my name yet; and no, I don't have my own patients (although I would argue that in the Asheville program we do have our own people we follow), but finally I'm in the hospital and out of the classroom. So yes, it has absolutely been worth it. Those first two years in college-on-steroids were well worth the time to get where we are today. And yes, I'd do it all again if I had to.
I haven't flunked out (and neither Ronnie nor I have been kicked out), so I would have to say that the past 2.5 years have been a success. For the first time in my life I am excited about what I am doing academically and professionally. Sometimes I think back on my undergraduate career, and I wish I had worked as hard then as I do now. Oh, the possibilities! I could have picked up another major or actually learned Spanish (you have no idea how much Portuguese was a waste 5 years later). I could have broadened my horizons, taking classes in anthropology and American history. But I guess that's over now, and I shouldn't regret the hours and hours I put in on the X-Box, training my fingers for a future career in Surgery.
Well I guess it's appropriate to take this opportunity, three years after learning I would become a doctor, to come out and say what kind of doctor I actually want to be (I considered doing a parody on The Decision - LeBron James, but I don't know yet what city I will be taking my "talents" to). Plus, I think that cat is out of the bag already. Earlier this month I verbally committed (on the phone to my Mom, of course), to pursuing a career in Surgery, but I knew well before that. After my first 6 weeks here in Asheville in the OR, I was hooked. Two months before that, Surgery wasn't even on my top 3, but after getting the opportunity to work with some amazing mentors, and gaining a better understanding of the massive amount of medical knowledge it takes to be a great surgeon, I knew there was nothing else I wanted to be. As the year has progressed, that commitment has only been strengthened. Don't get me wrong, I have thoroughly enjoyed almost all of my time in other specialties, but Surgery remains the clear winner.
When I did recruiting as a captain for the UNC Swim team, people often asked me why I chose Carolina. Was it the combination of great athletics and academics? Was it the people? Or, did I just like wearing Carolina blue? I always told people that I had visited many other places; I had a great time at colleges with great academics, great swimming programs, wonderful people, and a positive atmosphere. But at Carolina, I knew I was "home." There were so many things about UNC that were good, but at the end of the day, it was just a feeling. In Chapel Hill, I was home. Why Surgery? It is where I feel the most comfortable with patients and providers. It is the specialty I feel to be the best balance between medicine and procedures. Frankly, I just feel at home.
My favorite game to play with my third year colleagues is "tell me your choices for future specialty, broken down by percentages." For example, when I was entering this year, I was somewhere around 60% Emergency Medicine, 30% Pulmonary/Critical Care doc, and 10% Pediatrician (see, Surgery wasn't even on the list). Now I'm 99% Surgeon, and 1% Pediatric Hospitalist. (So obviously I should combine the two? Peds Surgery anyone??). I guess that's enough to make it official; beyond a reasonable doubt. One of the benefits of the Asheville program is that by now I've seen a little bit of many specialties, so I don't have to wait until June until I've seen all the core clerkships. Another weight off my shoulders.
Three years ago I found out I would be a doctor. Three years later I know what kind of doctor I want to be. I wonder where will I be in another three years...
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