Ronald "Priscilla" Milam

Remember that guy in high school who you wanted to be (or perhaps he was the one you wanted to be with)? He was the one that you tried to sit next to in 3rd period English, so as to attain "cool by association" status. He was the Man's Man and the Ladies' Man, all in perfect amalgamation. On Mondays he was cutting up in class, tossing his hair back with that sexy sly grin of his, but never getting blamed for any of his antics. On Tuesday he finished his BC Calculus exam in 20 minutes and aced it, even though he forgot his trusty TI-83. Wednesdays he had football practice, where he quarterbacked the state's top high school team, then turned his attention to teaching the cheerleaders how to do a proper back handspring with a three-quarter tuck. Thursday nights he spent serving meals at the soup kitchen, right after he finished joining his Grandma on her evening walk around the mall. On Friday nights you could always count on him to pull up to the "my parents are out of town for the weekend" house party, carrying a cube of Keystones purchased by his immaculate fake. The cops would show up because the party was completely BA, but of course he didn't run; he needed to talk your entire class out of getting drinking cites. The next day he would wake up at 7am to build a local Habitat for Humanity house. And on Sundays he didn't rest, but he didn't do his homework either. No worries, he got into Harvard as a junior. He was indeed the most interesting man alive.

Remember that guy? Sure you do, he was Ronnie Milam.

Since medical school is exactly high school (except now it's legal to drink and people get engaged instead of make out by the bleachers), our analogy still applies. Ronald is the proverbial stud, and the question is not, "What does he do these days?" it's "What doesn't this man among boys do?" You would think that we med students would be busy with studying and preoccupied with the molecular make-up of a flagellum, but Ronnie is able to do it all, yet still make Cardiology his bitch lover.

Ronald Milam hails from Statesville, North Carolina. His family later moved to lake-front property in Troutman, NC, almost directly across the street from the Suddreth Family. In fact, this is where Ronnie and I realized that we had too much in common, and where I recognized the need to sit next to him in class to obtain the title of "cool by association" (when we actually went to class, that is). He graduated from UNC in the spring of 2008 like me, and spent a year in Wake County working in EMS. I have detailed the similarities between the two of us in previous posts, but long story short, it started getting just creepy when we both showed up with the same hiking boots for Peru.

In college, Ronnie earned his Bachelor of Science in Biology, and the Chancellor conferred him a B.A. degree as well. Confused, he asked Moeser what the extra letters meant, which is the only time in his life that Ronald has been a bit slow on the uptake. As a student, he volunteered for Orange County EMS, chaired two coed fraternities, tutored underprivileged children, worked for the Beijing Olympic Broadcasting Company, built houses for Habitat (I wasn't kidding when I said that he was "that guy"), shadowed physicians in every specialty, and managed to eek out a spot on the Dean's List every semester at Carolina. Like Smeltzy and Clodagh, Ronald makes you reconsider your childish affinity to spend all spring playing hacky-sack and disc in the quad as an ignorant coed.

Ronnie opted for the ten-year program at UNC as well, enrolling in the School of Medicine for his second (or third depending on how you count his BA) degree from this great University. There, his thirst for activities remains unsated. He is now President of the Ophthalmology Interest Group, and conducts cardiology research with the UNC Transplant Center. Currently, our man is in Pontevedra, Spain, "researching the predictive value of various provocative tests used clinically to estimate the cyclic nature of intraocular pressure in patients with glaucoma" (stolen straight from his CV). But it doesn't stop there, Ronnie also found the time to co-author and co-produce THE music video of the year (as nominated by BET), 5 Star Nerve, something that I can personally attest to taking waaaay too much time out of our lives. His time is further consumed by his puppy Trigger, who subscribes to his owners’ penchant for lively Saturday evenings and a cold PBR.

Brilliance, courage, and... charm as well? My mother melted when Ronald first uttered the words, "Yes, ma'am" during a family dinner. It was that night that I lost the special place in my mother's heart. Since then Kathy has been determined to have Ronnie as a member of the family, first offering up Shelley, and then her only begotten son, to wed the young Milam. And he didn't even need to reply, "Yes, sir" to win over Pops. While Robby was running around in a banana hammock and relishing grape flavored Fun Dip at swim meets, Ronald was becoming an Eagle Scout. Enough said.

Finally, Ronnie would be most displeased if I did not mention his crowning achievement: he won first place in an amateur 3D animation film festival in spring 2005. This video, however, remains a mystery to us all, as no one has actually seen said 3D animation. I will surely post a link to the video if this turns out to be fact instead of fiction.

A charmer, a lover, an Einstein, an enigma, he is Ronald "Priscilla" Milam. His nickname was bestowed upon him by one Kelly Esponoza (our next encounter in this series), due to the number of activities and commitments he undertakes. One fateful Wednesday night, Ronald had too much on his plate and was unable to join Clodagh, Kelly, and me uptown on Franklin Street. He received at least 20 calls from yours truly, where I FALSELY undeclared my love for him (and for this Ron Ron, I am truly sorry, you know it's not true), and Kelly bequeathed the appellation "Priscilla" on him for not having the cojones to make it out.

The legend was born.